The art of conversation: 10 simple phrases that make people light up when you first meet them

Ever walked away from meeting someone new and thought, “That went terribly”?

I used to feel that way after pretty much every conversation. Social anxiety had me in a chokehold for years, and I’d replay every awkward pause and fumbled word for hours afterward.

But here’s what changed everything: I discovered that great conversations aren’t about being clever or charismatic. They’re about making the other person feel seen and valued. And you can do that with just a few simple phrases.

After years of practicing vulnerability in my writing and then bringing that same openness to real-life interactions, I’ve learned that certain phrases have an almost magical ability to make people light up. They create instant connection, dissolve awkwardness, and leave people feeling genuinely good about themselves.

Today, I’m sharing the ten phrases that have transformed my conversations from anxiety-inducing ordeals into opportunities for real connection.

1. “That’s fascinating, tell me more about that”

Most people barely scratch the surface when they share something they’re interested in. They test the waters, waiting to see if you’re actually listening or just waiting for your turn to speak.

When you lean in with genuine curiosity and ask them to expand, something shifts. Their eyes brighten. Their posture changes. They realize you’re actually interested in what they have to say.

I discovered this while traveling through Southeast Asia. People would mention something about their culture or traditions, and instead of nodding politely, I’d ask for more details. The conversations that followed were incredible. People opened up about their lives, their dreams, their struggles, all because I showed genuine interest.

The key word here is “fascinating.” It validates their interests and makes them feel interesting, which, let’s be honest, we all crave.

2. “I’ve never thought about it that way before”

Want to make someone feel brilliant? Use this phrase.

We all have unique perspectives shaped by our experiences, but rarely does anyone acknowledge the value of our viewpoint. When you tell someone their perspective is new to you, you’re essentially saying their thoughts matter.

In my book, [Hidden Secrets of Buddhism: How To Live With Maximum Impact and Minimum Ego](https://www.amazon.com/Hidden-Secrets-Buddhism-Maximum-Minimum-ebook/dp/B0BD15Q9WF), I explore how Buddhist philosophy teaches us to approach each conversation as a student, not a teacher. This phrase embodies that principle perfectly.

You’re not just being polite. You’re acknowledging that this person has expanded your thinking, and that’s a powerful gift to give someone you’ve just met.

3. “You seem like someone who…”

Follow this with a positive observation, and watch how people respond.

“You seem like someone who really thinks things through.”
“You seem like someone who values authenticity.”
“You seem like someone who knows how to make people feel comfortable.”

This phrase works because it shows you’re paying attention. You’re not just making small talk; you’re actually observing and appreciating who they are as a person. It’s personal without being invasive, complimentary without being over the top.

4. “What’s the story behind that?”

Notice someone’s unique accessory, tattoo, or even their choice of drink? This question invites them to share something meaningful.

People don’t just randomly choose things. There’s usually a story, a memory, or a significance behind their choices. When you ask about the story, you’re giving them permission to share something personal at their own comfort level.

I’ve had entire friendships spark from asking about someone’s vintage band t-shirt or the book they were carrying. It shows you notice details and care about what makes them unique.

5. “I’m impressed by how you…”

Specific compliments hit different.

Instead of generic praise, point out something specific you’ve noticed about how they handle themselves. Maybe it’s how they explained something complex simply, or how they made everyone in the group feel included, or how they stayed calm in a stressful situation.

This phrase shows you’re not just throwing out empty compliments. You’re genuinely observing and appreciating their actions or qualities. People remember how you make them feel, and being specifically noticed feels incredible.

6. “That reminds me of something you might find interesting”

Building bridges between ideas shows you’re actively engaged in the conversation.

When someone shares something and you can connect it to something else, whether it’s a book, a podcast, an experience, or even a funny video you saw, you’re creating a shared moment of discovery. You’re not trying to one-up their story; you’re adding to it.

This approach has been huge for me in overcoming social anxiety. Instead of worrying about what to say next, I focus on finding connections. It turns conversations into collaborative experiences rather than performances.

The Buddhist concept of interconnectedness that I explore in [my book](https://www.amazon.com/Hidden-Secrets-Buddhism-Maximum-Minimum-ebook/dp/B0BD15Q9WF) applies beautifully here. Everything connects to everything else, and when you help people see those connections, conversations flow naturally.

7. “How did you get into that?”

Everyone loves an origin story.

When someone mentions their job, hobby, or interest, this question invites them to share their journey. It’s more engaging than “What do you do?” because it focuses on the path, not just the destination.

Often, the story of how someone discovered their passion or ended up in their career is way more interesting than the thing itself. Plus, it gives them the freedom to share as much or as little as they want about their background.

8. “You’re absolutely right about that”

Agreement, when genuine, creates instant rapport.

But here’s the thing: don’t fake it. Only use this when you actually agree. People can smell insincerity from a mile away. When you do genuinely agree, though, expressing it strongly validates their thoughts and creates a moment of connection.

Follow it up by adding your own perspective or experience that supports their point. This turns agreement into conversation rather than just head-nodding.

9. “What was that like for you?”

This phrase is pure gold when someone mentions an experience, especially one that might have been challenging or significant.

Instead of assuming you know how they felt or immediately sharing your similar experience, you’re giving them space to express their unique perspective. It shows emotional intelligence and genuine interest in their inner world.

My wife taught me the power of this question. Coming from different cultural backgrounds, we learned early on that assuming we understood each other’s experiences was a recipe for miscommunication. Asking “What was that like for you?” opened up conversations we never would have had otherwise.

10. “I’d love to hear your thoughts on…”

Asking for someone’s opinion shows respect for their intelligence and experience.

Whether it’s about current events, a mutual interest, or even something random like the best coffee in town, this phrase positions them as someone worth listening to. It’s especially powerful with people who might feel overlooked or underestimated.

The beauty is that almost everyone has opinions, and most people rarely get asked for them in a genuine way. When you do ask, and then actually listen to the answer, you’re giving them something surprisingly rare: genuine attention.

Final words

These phrases aren’t magic words that guarantee instant friendship. They’re tools that, when used genuinely, help create the conditions for real connection.