The art of letting go: You need to be happy.

Letting go is one of the hardest things that we face, especially in our 20s when everything seems to be in a constant motion. It’s often a natural reflex to hold on to what is familiar, what has been routine and perhaps what we have poured effort into.

In 2023, I lost a friend of mine. It was a type of grief that I had never experienced before. It was a passing that was unexplainable, it was sudden and there was no proper goodbye. Your perspective on life tends to shift when someone your age passes away. It’s almost like your priorities begin to rearrange themselves, you begin to understand what is worth your time and what is not.

Before this loss, I felt an overwhelming need to hold onto everything — relationships, jobs, environments — simply for the sake of familiarity and comfort. After this experience, something shifted within me. I realized I was gripping these things so tightly out of fear of losing them. I held onto relationships that no longer served me because I was afraid of never having that person in my life again. I clung to jobs and environments that felt safe, even when deep down, I knew they were no longer aligned with who I was becoming. I found myself navigating a strange mix of guilt and fear surrounding the idea of change and letting go.

Why We Hold On

We hold on for a lot of different reasons. Fear, comfort, familiarity — but what I think we don’t often think about is how much of what we hold on to is simply just an idea. How much of it often has to do with the “what ifs”. Sometimes, the things that we feel like we need to hold on to so tightly are not often the things that are meant to be.

We may even hold on out of guilt, feeling responsible for others’ happiness or success, or fearing that letting go means abandoning our past selves. But clinging to what no longer serves us leads us to a mental tug-of-war. You’re not obligated to hold onto things simply because they once played a positive role in your life. What was right for you then might not be right for you now — and that’s okay. Let go of the idea of what it could’ve been or what it could be. Life is short — what purpose does it serve you now and is it worth fighting for?

Maybe There’s No Such Thing As Actually Letting Go?

All things have been designed to ultimately serve us in some capacity. So maybe the key is acceptance?

“Men are born soft and supple; dead they are stiff and hard. Plants are born tender and pliant; dead, they are brittle and dry. Thus, whoever is stiff and inflexible is a disciple of death. Whoever is soft and yielding is a disciple of life. The hard and stiff will be broken. The soft and supple will prevail.” — Lao Tz

Holding onto what no longer serves us — whether relationships, jobs, or personal expectations — makes us “stiff and hard”. Letting go doesn’t have to feel like losing — it’s more about adapting, being soft, and supple.